Give Yourself Permission: A Lesson in Self-Care
The past 60 days has been very taxing, spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I returned from the most amazing trip to South Africa in November and was hit with some distressing news regarding my mother’s health. After the initial shock of hearing the words, “Mom has been diagnosed with cancer…”, I immediately went into caregiver and oldest daughter mode. Thus, the weeks of consultations with specialists and planning for Mom’s surgery began. I would be inauthentic to say I was not worried or concerned about the outcome and Mom’s ability to handle such an invasive surgery and cancer treatment plan. I had to deal honestly with my own emotions while encouraging Mom and attending to her needs.
I’m thankful for the miracle God gave us in sustaining Mom through 14 hours of surgery on December 16, 2019. I’m extremely grateful for the amazing progress she is making in her recovery season. However, in the midst of supporting Mom, long nights in the hospital, managing her affairs, managing my own home, leading and ministering at church, planning and facilitating a self-care retreat for a wonderful group of women, my reserve tank had become depleted.
One of the gifts I have received from taking care of my mother in this season is the opportunity to reflect on my own mortality. Mom’s illness made me realize the value of self-care at a deeper level. While we take care of others, we must give ourselves permission to practice self-care. Many women report that they experience feelings of guilt when practicing self-care. Some operate with a “super-woman” mentality that often leads to the neglect of their mental, physical and spiritual health, goals, plans and purpose. The danger of this pattern of thinking is that it leads to burnout, resentment, sickness or our own pre-mature death.
Last week, I entered into a season of consecration, prayer and fasting. I’m looking forward to being truly present with myself, the Spirit’s presence and the word of God. I am in great anticipation of seasons of prayer with my church, my family and time alone. I’m excited to return to the gym, reconnect with my fitness community, sessions with my trainer, spin class and yoga. I have appointments with my physicians, dentist, chiropractor, and therapists on my calendar. I have planned a personal prayer retreat at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit, a spa day and a few pajama days at home. I’m fasting, cleansing and renewing my mind, body and spirit.
As we enter into this new decade, prioritize self-care. Learn to overcome the guilt of self-care and accentuate your own well-being as you care for others. Take care of your mind, body, spirit and soul. Live fully, love deeply, and laugh heartily. While we cannot avoid sickness all together, we can enjoy life even in the midst of sickness and caregiving to others. I look forward to who I am becoming during this season of reflection, restoration, rest and rejuvenation
Give yourself permission to do the same…
Dr. Toni